Some children can see the dead. A lot of the time, parents chop this up to be an imaginary friend. In the beginning, for myself, it was not the spirit of a long-departed love one, it was a dog! My mother believed it was my imagination forming a dog because that is what I wanted. I did not get a real dog, a cat is what my mother decided to get as a pet. I guess my mother thought that I was more suited to care for a cat versus a dog. I think for a child, a cat is an excellent way to start off. But it did not take away from me seeing this dead dog.
The years would go by, my mother would get us out on road trips, this is where my love for countryside cruises comes from. By this time, I had gone from seeing a dead dog to cats, small rodents like mice to a deer.
My mother wanted to go to this zoo, not too far from where we lived. It was a small little zoo, but for a ten-year-old, this was great. I remember asking my mother why the deer was not caged up with the other deers. My mom looked in the direction that I had pointed too, she saw nothing but a few trees and grass. That is the day I realized that what I could see, she could not. I was embarrassed, my mother told me that I was too old for these games. That there was no deer there; in fact, there were no deers at all in the zoo’s location. I was to grow up and act my age.
But with my eyes, there was a deer. I was not about to dispute the topic further. I was not about to invoke my mother’s wrath, so I stayed silent for the remainder of the trip. From that day forth, I never talked about seeing dead animals and people. I had shut down from the embarrassment my mother had caused me.
It does not matter if I am in the woods or city, I will see dead deer. Even if the deer is living, it does not run away once it notices me. It usually continues to graze on the plant life or in the direction that it wishes. When the internet came to the small town I lived in, I was able to find the possible meaning behind this.
To see the spirit of a deer means that you are a calm, sensitive, sympathetic and loving person. At least this is what Google had told me. Which my friends and family would say that I am. At the time, while I lived with my mother, I thought that it was the deer that was my spiritual guide. It seemed logical to believe that the deer represented my personality quite well.
The deer was and was not my spiritual guide, but one part of the whole.
At any significant life event, I would see an entity of a grey wolf. When I was getting ready to move out of my mother’s house, the grey wolf first appeared. It was a room for rent in a lovely home. The wolf showed up when I needed to leave an abusive situation, landing me in a woman’s shelter. When a friend needed more of my attention than others, the issue could be emotional distress, just needing me to listen to them rant, or just lost and wanting my advice on what I would do. Or when I met my hubby, the wolf would wonder close by while we were getting to know each other. Whatever the situation, if it had a significant impact on my life, the grey wolf would be around.
You would think that this animal would be my spiritual guide; once again, the grey wolf is but one piece of the whole.
The owl, a very wise creature to have around, I saw the spirit of the Great Horned Owl. Owls represent wisdom, good judgement, knowledge and observation. Though my opinions may not always be right, I trust my intuition; if I am wrong, I learn from my mistake or correct what was wrong. The wisest of all wo/ men are the ones that ask questions. They gain knowledge through text and experience. By carefully observing and asking questions, they can make the best judgement at the point in time.
From the owl, I have learned this and practise it frequently. Once again, I have found one more part of the whole.
Periodically, since I was sixteen, these three animals visited me while I am awake and in my dreams. The one that has shown up in the last decade is the black bear.
The spirit of a bear symbolizes the awakening of a strong force of unconsciousness. A decade ago was a significant turning point in my life, physical and spiritual. Progress was very slow, but I have been able to bring back balance. I have been able to heal wounds that never felt they would go away. Things that I thought I would never have I own! I have harmony, a feeling of worth and my will is more durable with each passing day.
The deer, grey wolf, great horned owl, black bear they are all my guides. I am a better person, mother and wife. Life is not a struggle but more fun, I can see all the different shades of colour. My eyes are open, not shut, it took a lot to get here, and I am glad that I have learned from the past. I would not change a thing.