I have no idea how long I had been moving throw this hallway of doors. There were times I had to stop and cry because the emotional pain was so severe I could not keep myself together.
This footpath had one thing in common, death by their hands.
When I thought I could not take this journey any longer, I approached a door that was different from the others.
Yes, the man had killed himself; his reason was different. He had projected the last couple of years of his life. The visit to the hospital to confirm he had terminal cancer, the last stage. The conversation that he had with his long-term girlfriend. He was not going to tell anyone of his condition.
The pain in my head became overwhelming, I puked on the floor in front of me. The ringing in my ears drove me insane. I wanted to leave this door and just run. I could not bring myself to do that. Something about his situation did not settle well with me; he should not be here.
I listened to him mumbling over and over, “I will not have them pitty me! I will not let them watch me suffer! I will be the one to say when I die, not the doctors!” He had planned out everything, organized everything down to the last T. The last thing that he did was take a small handgun, placed the pistol to his head, and pulled the trigger.
“Why are you here?” I asked out loud, not expecting a reply from this man.
In a blink of an eye, he was at the door, placing his face on the door. “Who are you?”
“Zita! Why are you trapped here?”
“What are you guilty for?”
“I killed myself!”
“You were in a great deal of pain, dying of a slow death due to cancer. There should be no guilt in taking control of your life!”
“I hurt those that loved me!”
“Regardless if you had killed yourself or not, they would have felt pain. Drugs would only have taken some of the pain away. The most that any of your friends and family could have done is hold your hand. The situation that you were in was inevitable; you were going to die. You just chose to do it sooner than later. There is no shame in what you did!”
“You are not the same as the other demons that visit here. They remind us every day why we are here and that we will never be able to leave.” The man started to cry uncontrollably.
The door opened, the man was on his knees with his hands over his face. I could see the wound from his actions. Lightly I placed my hand on his shoulders, “you do not belong here!”
There was a bright light in between the two of us. Just like that, he evaporated and was no longer in front of me.