Everything had been blurry when I first tried to open my eyes. I had to wait a bit before my eyes would focus. I had woken up with a needle in my arm and an oxygen mask on my face. It felt like I had been hit with a ton of bricks, the pain in my face was unbelievable. In matters of seconds, I knew I was back at the general hospital. The million dollar question that I had was how long was I out for? And if I had been speaking while I was asleep?
There had been movement in my room. A lady had asked me how I was feeling? At the time it was only my sight that was an issue. She took my blood pressure, shuffled around doing other things. After that, she told me that a doctor would be in soon to talk to me. I closed my eyes again, trying to ignore the pounding in my head. Time slipped by when I heard a knock at the door and a familiar greeting. Opening my eyes again, to realize that my sight had not gotten better but worse. I rubbed my eyes in the hopes that would help, which did not! At least though it did not make things worse. At this point in time, I was unable to see Peter.
I greeted Peter in the typical fashion that I have since we were children, “penny for a thought?” Then I asked him if the doctors said anything to him. Peter only knew that I was brought to the hospital almost an hour ago. They had found me faced down on the floor. With blood coming from my nose and mouth. I lied there in the bed wondering what I was going to tell the doctor when she or he came into the room. I could hear Peter dragging a chair closer to the bed. I was waiting for him to ask me the who, what, where, when and why questions. For him that would have been easy to say, he is used to these situations, I so often seem to go through. The doctor, on the other hand, will not be so quickly silenced.
I asked Peter if he would help me get myself in more of a sitting position. After that, I told Peter the whole story. It is the same story that I say all the time. The only difference is this time I was preoccupied, I did not even know that there was something there getting ready to attack me. I could only make assumptions that it was a parasite or vengeful spirit, I am leaning more towards a parasite.
That thing had found me, and attacked me from behind. I briefly mentioned that my sight was not normal, though I was confident it would come back in time. That was about the time when Peter said only fools are positive! You can now insert colourful vocabulary here with a little birdy!
There was a tap at the door someone had walked in. The doctor had introduced himself as Dr. Aidmos. He started off by asking me how I was feeling? Really an age-old question that is always thrown my way. Then he asked me the standard questions like have I fainted before, which I said yes I have in the past? Then he asked how often does this happen?
I have never really thought about how often it happens. I have just grown so a custom to this, that I think of it no different than breathing, it is something that just happens. Than Dr. Aidmos asked me if I was ever told that I have low blood pressure? This was always a suspicion of mine but never a fact! He then wanted to know if I or anyone in my family has had any heart problems? The first thing that crossed my mind was what family does not have some kind of heart issues? With a nod of the head yes, I told him that I had an uncle that died of a heart attack as well as a grandfather. Both of which were on my mother’s side of the family. Father side is an unknown!
Dr. Aidmos then asked me if I had any symptoms that would let me know that I was about to faint, like blurry vision, light headed, dizziness, sweating or nausea? All of those I can say that I did not have before but after an episode. Then the good doctor wanted to know the longest I have been unconscious for? This episode was by far the worst that I have experienced. At the most maybe ten minutes, and then my vision comes back slowly afterwards, the shortest I think was two minutes. This time I have no idea how long I was unconscious and the vision has yet to fully come back to normal. Dr. Aidmos than wanted to know more about my vision. As few words as possible to describe my sight for the past and at the time. In the past, it was like grey background with sparks of light that was moving. For at the time, it was different shades of light moving around. Yellow, blue and white were the dominant colours that I was seeing.
I could hear papers being moved around as footsteps moved to the location of where Peter had been sitting. Peter asked the doctor what he was looking at? Which the doctor replied that they were my EKG readings and blood test. After reviewing my blood work and EKG, Dr. Aidmos wanted to get an ultrasound done on my heart. He explained that my oxygen level was on the outside of the normal range. When this happens to individuals, they will sometimes feel their heart beat faster, which my EKG has shown that it had happened. It is normal for the heart to sometimes beat fast. Dr. Aidmos than asked me if I had at any point had issues with wheezing, rapid breathing, shortness of breath? I lied there for second thinking if there was a time anything like this happened to me. I told the doctor that in the past I had what I call is the double take of air, out of nowhere, I have to inhale two times instead of once. With my heart beating fast, but there was no pain or panic. Which meant I had no concerns!
After handing him this bit of information, he asked me when the last time I had a physical done was? I kind of chuckled and said when I had a family doctor in my teen. Since then I avoid hospitals at all cost. Dr. Aidmos said okay and then told me that he was going to get me to have an ultrasound done on my heart. That he was going to get me to continue to have the EKG machine on me, but he thought it was okay to take off the oxygen mask. After doing that he then wanted to check my eyes. Funny thing is I could see the light shining into my eyes, but I could only see the outline of his facial features. I moved my eyes from side to side and up and down, as I had been asked and then I heard an “okay” from the good doctor. There was now only one thought on my mind. When do I get to leave? For precaution, I would be staying here for at least one night. It all depends on what the test results came back with … Oh goody!
The doctor had left the room. I did not need to hear a word from Peter, I could sense it. It is a vibe thing or maybe a Zita thing! He was worried! It was not just my sight that bugged him, it was the whole situation that I was in. I tried to make my mind think of something else and not focus on the entire situation. Something that would occupy both of our brains. Politics, the environment or the beginning of the construction season. Yet my mind would route itself back to my sight and what happened.
How could I have allowed myself to get into a predicament like this? First my arms and now this! Other I am getting lazy, or they are getting stronger? One thing is for sure, I needed a break from all of this.
Peter and I talked for some time before he left to go home to his wife. At this point it was nice that he had left, my head was pounding so badly I actually needed medication. Which is something I do not like to do if at all possible I want to see if it will leave on its own! Not too long after that, I had medication in my system.
The intense bright light was getting to me, I just needed to close my eyes and get some rest. I did not hear the knock at the door, nor the door nob click open, I was in my own little world. It was the sound of a female’s voice that brought me back to reality. She mentioned something about IV, I am assuming that it is the thing that was in my arm still.
Get this picture in your mind, the sun shining in your eyes, add in a figure, you can not distinguish details, like the colour of clothing, skin or hair. You just know that it is a human figure there. I opened my eyes to see this greyish figure with a huge bright light surrounding her. On the right side of the bed, where the IV had been placed, that is where she was standing and yanking this bloody needle out of my arm. Okay so she was not yanking the needle out of me but bloody hell the tape hurts when it is being ripped off the skin. And she did not even give me the heads up!
With this lady being closer to me, I could see the outlines of her eyes, nose and mouth. Her hair was to her shoulders, and she just recently brushed her teeth with peppermint toothpaste. After that, she slipped out of the room and asked if I would like the light turned off. I nodded my head yes followed with please and thank you.
I had closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. I am not sure entirely how long I was sleeping for, but it was needed. I did feel better, my head was not pounding as much. Peter and Crystal, had come into the room roughly the same time I opened my eyes. Crystal was working on her fully licensed physician. If I have everything correct, she had only a couple of weeks left, or maybe it was a month, anyway, she was close to being done. A unique par these two were a future doctor and father of the church.
The first thing that came out of Crystal’s mouth was how are your eyes? I did not even get a coffee nor time to wake up. I started to laugh when I told Crystal “I needed a coffee before I started answering more questions. In the end, the whole eye thing was kind of interesting to go through, it could have been a lot worse!”
Crystal body wise was grey with yellow, orange and red lights coming from her body. Oh and there was this tiny white dot on her stomach, I would say the dot was the size of a loonie. And Peter was grey but instead had different shades of blue and pale purple. I could not keep this information to myself, I had told Crystal and Peter what they looked like!
As I was listening to Crystal talk, I shifted my body so that I was leaning more on my right side. I was trying hard to pay attention to her, but from time to time I would start to hear Charlie Brown’s teacher. Finally, I heard Crystal asked me what my thoughts were? And all I could think of was how badly I had to go pee. I mean Niagara falls, I had to go pee! The worst part was I still was connected to the EKG machine. Both of them started to laugh at me when I announced I had to go pee or I was going to create my own swimming pool. Crystal went to go get someone to disconnect me from the machine.
Crystal was still laughing when she came back into the room. Followed up by a nurse, who turned the machine off and took everything off my body. The nurse then helped me to the washroom a pond my request. Even though I could have probably been able to find my way to the toilet with no help, I took the assistance willingly. I told the nurse that I would have no problems doing the rest by myself and with that, Crystal said she would wait at the door. If I needed any help all I had to do was call out to her. I managed to get the hospital pants down and do everything by myself. While I was peeing all, I could think of “when did my clothing change and how?” I know strange things to ponder on while peeing. Then came the next thought “how good it felt to empty my bladder.” Most individuals that go to the washroom take their cell phones with them, come on admit it … how many times do you take your phone to the restroom with you?
Finishing up my business in the washroom, for a second I wondered what I looked like? Looking in the mirror, I was just like everybody else. Except there was a black mass in my head, it was just an itsy bitsy thing. And everything behind and around me was white. Leaning forwards closer to the mirror, there was the outline of my facial features. I was starting to study my head. At the back of the skull, about four fingers away from the spine, right side, the occidental location of the skull! I really need to stop listening to Crystal talk in her fancy doctor terms. I know the mass was not in or on the bone, but near it. Stepping backwards, I brought myself to examine the rest of my upper body with was viewable to the mirror. My throat area was fine, shoulders too. My chest on the other hand not so! In among this grey tapestry, I once again saw four very minuscule masses. The first near the left ventricle of my heart. It was so small like pin size mass, the other three were where around my right lung. The largest was like the size of a single rain droplet. The one that was kind of freaky since it is located where I have had pinching before.
I moved my fingers along my rib cage counting them. Fifth bone, two fingers over from the sternum. The other two were in close locations. I always just took it as digestion issues. Now I know I am no doctor though I would assume that those black masses are not apart of the requirements for the body. What am I going to do … I do not know … probably nothing. Remember this could just be all in my head! Until a professional finds this, I will do what I do best, turn a blinds eye and do not even think twice about it. Other things are more significant for me to concern myself over, versus something that logic dictates I should not be able to see.
I heard Crystal calling my name from the other side of the door. I heard her open the door and asked me if everything was okay. I reassured her that I was fine that all I had to do was wash my hands.
I just needed to know where the paper towels were so I could dry my hands. The nurse was just about to hook me back up to the EKG machine when there was a knock at the door, and Dr. Aidmos walked in. He had a wheelchair ready for me. There was an opening for me to get my ultrasound done on my heart. My thought bounced to the black dots I had just seen. Will they find anything? What if they do, what will I do? Over and over I told myself, just breathe! I am a person for most accounts believe is science, something tangible. I have seen things that you would see in a movie plus some. Some I can explain in words, others times it is you will not understand unless you have gone through the ordeal. I need facts, to back up so that I can explain.
Sitting in the wheelchair, I was being pushed down the hallways, turning right here, left there, I had to close my eyes. The light was starting to become very nauseating. It was like being in the passenger seat of a car driving down the highway, at the speed of 100 miles per hour. At night time having a bunch of car lights from the opposite lane, hitting me in the eyes without my sunglasses to deaden the beams hitting my retina. All I can do to protect my sight is close my eyes and hope that queasiness subsides sooner than later. After what felt like forever, finally, we made it to the room that I was going to get the ultrasound done.
First thing I realized was … it was not bright in here. I was required to lye down in a bed, Crystal guided me from the chair to the bed. As I was doing this, the technician introduced herself as Dr. Abby Duchemin. Her voice was very calm and sweet. No different then the others and myself, there was a grey blob in front of me. She was very short, maybe 5′ 3, and I would say plump. What I found interesting was threw her body I saw a surge of colour light. An energy that was moving around her body in chaotic motion. At times there would be a burst of energy, and it would rise and go past her physical body. Swirling colours of orange, red and yellow flowed inside her body. It kind of reminded me of the Sun, the gases dancing around its surface. Sporadically the sun will expel a burst of energy. Sometimes the solar flares are strong while others a weak. This by every means defies logic, science and just the standards of the norm.
How could I explain this to someone of science or even skeptic? I believe I would have a better chance with the scientist verse a skeptic! The scientist would look in different areas for a logical reason for this phenomenon. If the individual can not find a path, they will go to another person, forming a group. This way they will search for answers. Where the skeptic, tends to be close-minded or even believes they are always right! You will never be able to convince that what you see and believe is there. You could have proof, they will dismiss it! They view things like this, if it is not tangible, if science can not prove it, it is not real. And yet some may even still argue, convince they are right! They are the ones I dislike. They leave no room for others to believe and have their rights. I see them as being blind by their own ego. At times they brutally criticized individuals. This further boils my blood! As of now, I can not put this into scientific terms what I am going through. All I know is I have is a belief that this is honestly going on. Logical or with no comprehension, this is happening!
It is amazing how science has come along ways since the dark ages. In my books, just like so many things, even science has its limitations. The world and universe are vast, creatures of curiosity, we have only explored a small fraction of what we think we know. It has been said that we only use an extremely small portion of our brain. To me I believe this is sad, the rest of the mind is sitting idle! I wonder what it would be like if I or even others could use even half of the brain to function in this world! Hmmm, an interesting idea! Where would logic, science and belief stand? This would be an interesting topic to collaborate with others. The possibilities of using more of the brain function daily and what would life be like?
Finally, the MRI was completed, and I was able to go back to the comfort of the room that I was occupying for now. I was informed by Abby that the information that was gathered from the ultrasound would be reviewed as soon as possible. I asked only one question, in her professional opinion, does she think I will be able to leave the hospital now. She replied that she has no authority to say whether a patient can leave or not. Okay, I get it, she does not want to get in trouble with possibly giving me wrong information. It was not her words though that caught my attention, it was her energy that spouted from her. It reminded me of Vera, yet the energy level was different. Or could Abby in the back of her mind know what is going to happen next? What she said to me is what she is to say, yet in a way, it feels like she is lying!
I had to close my eyes, as I did before, well being pushed down the hallways back to my room. I had no idea what time it was. I could only guess at the time, food time! Rolling into the room, there was Peter to great Crystal and me. Peter announced that he had an egg salad sandwich and soup that his mom had dropped off to me. Peter informed me that what he was about to say was his mom’s words, not his! She wanted to spare my taste buds from the foul hospital food that they serve the patients. For me, food was food as long as it did not come from the microwave. I sat on the bed eating while Peter and Crystal chit-chat together. They were talking about their work as per normal around me. I, on the other hand, did not feel like partaking in the discussion, so I just listened to everything. It was kind of funny listening to the noise outside of this room, Peter plus Crystal … I started to think of all the sound as a musical that you really do not understand. Yet in a way this was enjoyable.
Peter and I went for a smoke before he and Crystal had to leave the hospital. Joking around he had promised that he would make sure that I would not take off and that I would return back to my room. Peter had known my dislike for hospitals, though at the same time knew I would not leave until I got back the test results. Crystal was the type of person that worried about everything! If the thought crossed her mind, like me leaving the hospital prematurely, she feared. So we had to have a bit of fun with her.
Sitting on the bench while Peter stood next to me. We listened to the others talk, and the vehicles rush by. Peter had asked me if I wanted smokes for my overnight stay. We both knew for sure that I would be here for the night, the rest was up in the air. In which I did not decline the offer of cigarettes. Finishing my first smoke and I had lit another one. By which time there was only one person around us, and they soon left as well. Peter told me to keep the lighter for now, that he would get it back later. Then he asked me about my eyes. For the most part, I did not want him to worry about me anymore that he was now. Convincing him that nothing has changed, that everything, in the end, will work out alright. Before I finished my smoke, he asked me if I had put any thought into what he had suggested the last time we were together. To be honest, I had not there was more on my mind, that it kind of got put on the back burner. All he said was to think about it, it is something that could work out in the long run. I exhaled the last bit of smoke from my lungs and told Peter he best get me inside before they call for a code red, and send the army after me. We both chuckled as we walked into the hospital door at the thought of an army coming after little old me. Peter announced that he would put a bet on me outsmarting the whole army first before he would consider the military getting to me. At least I knew that he had my back.
Peter gave me a friendly hug before he left and said that he and Crystal would be here in the morning before work. Suggesting to Peter to make a bubble bath for Crystal and a foot massage would be great. I figured Crystal would love that idea. We all laughed a bit than Peter said that he had to go. Turning down the light for me and closed the door behind him, I made myself comfortable so that I could get some more sleep. It was the pain in my head, and the feeling of fatigue I was battling now. Everything that I had been through in the last two months and a bit, finally has caught up to me. Sleep is all that I need. Being at the hospital, I should have no issues what so ever in getting that.
I closed my eyes and was just about to go to sleep when there was a knock at the door. The door handle made a clicking sound, and a nurse was walking into the room. He had apologized for disrupting me, but Dr. Aidmos wanted him to do a blood test on me. I extended my left arm allowing him to do his job. He told me that he only needed three tubes of blood and he would be on his way. I said okay so that he knew I understood what he was saying. Before he left he asked me if I wanted the light turned down again, in which I replied yes, please.
Hearing the door handle lock into place, I started to go to sleep. And just as I was getting close to ram sleep, there was a knock at the door again. I sat my bed into the sitting position as Dr. Aidmos strolled into the room with his clipboard. I was starting to get used to people asking me how I am feeling. Was this a sincere question or just an opening conversational starter, I do not know, but it was starting to become lame. I bypassed the question he asked and went to the point, I wanted to know what the tests had to say. The blood test showed that I did have silent ischemia also known as a silent heart attack. It is very possible that what I had thought was just an anxiety attack was an episode of silent ischemia. It was the scarring or damage that was left behind that indicated it was about a month ago when this had happened. This could mean future problems with other heart issues. But there is good news … an aspirin a day will help. Bad news … I will need a regular check-up to prevent future episodes with my lucky heart. The damage is done and unrepairable, but precaution can help for the future. Dr. Aidmos pause for a brief moment before he continued. He asked me if I have ever had a cough that would not go away? Chest pains that worsen with deep breathing or coughing? Issues with shortness of breath? Or wheezing? All of which I was able to say no to. Is there cancer in the family line, which the answer had been, the growth was removed and never came back. Smoker … yes, no future plans of quitting other! He had explained to me that the person that reviewed my ultrasound noticed that there is mass, as I will put it, around the right heart location … blah blah blah! More testing will be needed to determine if the lump is malignant or benign. I did not know what to make of this information. On one side of the coin, I wanted to jump up and down screaming I am not crazy. The other side of the coin all I could think of is shit! Dr. Aidmos asked me if I had any questions for him. I told the doctor that I needed time to process what he just told me. I found that telling people this, gave them the sense that I was taking them seriously. This is about the time I heard the worst news ever, that Dr. Aidmos wanted me to stay here for an extra three days for observation. My first original response was is it necessary for me to be here. And as the good doctor explained why I should stay here, it dawned on me, that it was other here or at the mental institution. Here I would at least not have to join the annoying, pointless group sessions. After he had explained himself, I agreed to stay, just in case something should happen at least I would be here, near the doctors that could help me.